splendid jackassery

Relaxed to the 10th power

2011-08-22T11:08:00.003-05:00

text record from last night

beginning 23:32 and ending 00:42

me: have you ever heard of _______?

cg: i don't think that's a real thing.

me: HOLY SHIT. I'M REDONKULOUSLY out of commission...this text is taking me 15 min to type. Community is hilarious... and takes 4 hours per episode. My skin is pouring through a waterfall of a black hole. i will soon be denser than a thousand suns.

me: ...or something.

cg: dayum

me: my notification sound just scared the bejeebus out of me

me: in three languages

me: feeling less so now

me: i was out of it for a minute there

me: my face feels plaid

me: why do i hear in daisies?

me: pinch breathing is meta

me: are you unfollowing my texts?

cg: snowman inkeeper

me: splashing kidneys

me: caterpillars are kind of weird if you think about it

cg: Ur

me: gravity times 2.78

me: sensory overload and circuit tomfoolery. brain eating midday meal

me: getting back to normal now

i'm going to be so good at being unemployed.

Crazypants Carwash!

2011-02-03T20:52:00.002-06:00

white christmas in portland

2008-12-25T22:36:00.005-06:00

it's the most snow portland has seen in december since 1968. i couldn't get to work for 3 days, as the city doesn't salt the roads and apparently owns 2 plows. here's what we did during ian's naptime.

it's almost like i brought the weather with me when i moved...

this is a quarterly blog....or maybe more

2008-09-10T23:46:00.006-05:00

i have really been remiss in posting since i've been in pdx. what a terrible example i am setting for my 2 readers.

things that have happened since i've moved:

*started my job (which is going swimmingly)
*been tickled pink everytime i see a mountain
*done some work on the house
*read some good books
*beginning to take baby steps toward living a healthier life
*made some friends
*M had the baby!! 8.19.08
*hanging with bug
*hosting lots of visitors

doesn't seem like much, but boy, it's kept me occupied. so, due to the urging of certain bloggers and other parties which you can blame later, i will work more at keeping this writing going and really letting you know what's going on with me out west.

i'll get right on that.

inconcievable!

2008-06-07T23:54:00.001-05:00

more graph humor and song chart memes

my god i've landed!

2008-06-07T22:58:00.002-05:00

i know it's been forever and all that, but i made it out here and am acclimating nicely. i will post pictures and give more details later. why not now? because i won't have my computer set up for a while, plus i'm a lazy git.

schnucks knows whats up

2008-05-15T00:37:00.003-05:00

the most delicious cake ever!

sarah & shushan's BBQs rock.

nostalgia sets in early

2008-05-09T10:55:00.004-05:00

things i will miss when i'm out west:

family
friends
newly planted cornfields
wide streets
random idiocity from local college students (some kid mooned me out of a car window the other day while driving)
personal time (once the bambino comes)
certain regulars at work
my vinyl collection

the other side of how it's going down

2008-05-04T09:31:00.003-05:00

M is now posting on her own blog about the pregnancy and what it's like on her side of things. if you're interested, you can read about it here.

i got an offer!

2008-05-02T22:32:00.004-05:00

which is such a relief. i'll be working for the bookstore, and probably waiting tables. i'm excited as my new boss seems like she's very people oriented and has runs a tight ship, and it's a much busier store than i'm used to. but mostly i'm just thrilled that i'll be freaking employed. eating is very important to me.

the time frame is a fast turnaround. i report to work out there June 1. so that means my last day of work here is the 21st, and i'm hoping to leave town by the 24th. my mom is going to drive out there with me, which will be good and also filled with bickering i'm sure. i'm going to invest in audio books and earplugs. for her sake and mine. i wonder if we can get an announcement on the emergency broadcast system to warn anyone w/in a 100sq mile radius from where we'll be.

i just started and already slacking

2008-04-23T12:16:00.004-05:00

things from the last couple of weeks:

joey pants came into the store. don't know why...i mean, obviously he was looking for a book, but i'm not sure exactly what drew him to the picturesque vistas of normal. he was also looking like he just came from a marathon of group therapy sessions.

i hung out w/ old friends recently and discussed deep philosophical issues such as: if jim morrison were alive today would he be a washed up celebrity that turns up on a reality tv show? with whom would he live in said tv show's house? we came up w/ a few ideas. pat robertson. jimmy walker. wesley snipes. shannen dougherty. samantha fox. gary busey.

i gave up my vinyl and part of my cd collection to be sold by my good pal jeff. i'm in the midst of ripping the last 7 boxes to get them to him. if you're interested in anything i might have owned, stop by the shop to spend some money. stop by anyways, even if you aren't interested in my stuff. his place is the bee's knees.

still waiting for the word on the j-o-b. it could be the weekend before i hear anything. cripes, this is maddening.

cubicle humor

2008-04-04T20:04:00.001-05:00

i love this site...

see more funny graphs

my mom has already begun the novena

2008-03-31T10:31:00.009-05:00

i have a job interview on wednesday for a store in the portland area. it's a position that is tailor made for my experience, and i would love to get it. keep your fingers crossed.

i'll have to spend less scratch when i get out there, too...a friend of M's donated a bed, bed frame, and nightstand to me. which saves me like $700 right off the bat. sorry IKEA! this has all come together better than expected, better than i could have planned. and i'm beginning to be VERY excited about moving. i love the energy i get from the thought of beginning a new phase of life.

M and i are also trying to get a list of names together for the bambino. it's amazing all the rules that crop up when trying to choose a good name for someone. the yell test is my favorite...cos if it don't sound good when you're trying to call the kid in from outside, it ain't gonna work. if you have suggestions, let me know. something off the beaten path, but easy enough to avoid confusion.

it's storming here right now and elladog is freaking out. the older she gets, the more sensitive she is to loud noises and being alone, and the more she does crazy shit like stare into corners and the bathroom for no reason. i've begun calling her blair witch. i actually have to give her sedatives during storms or she becomes far too unmanageable and anxious. a few days ago i gave her a little too much of a pill (i have to cut them in half) and she was so fucked up she fell off the bed. she just stepped off into space and wound up wedged against the wall with no idea of what had happened. sad and hilarious.

on an unrelated note, i wanted to give something back to my roots by posting this. fair warning, this becomes law once i achieve world domination.

light as a feather when it's all said and done

2008-03-25T09:51:00.006-05:00

i talked w/ the district manager of the bookstore chain i work for out in PDX yesterday and there are a couple of positions open that i might be able to step into. more accurately, same position, two different stores. they are a new the company has made for stores that have high volume cafés, and that would be right up my alley. so it looks like the chances are good i may have viable employment when i go....this is a HUGE load off my mind. i was beginning to get a bit anxious about not having a definite plan. if i did get one of these positions, it would probably move my leaving date up to next month.

after the conversation about the job went well, i began packing in earnest. my books are done, i've ripped about 300 CDs and put them in boxes (i'm planning on selling off most of what i own before leaving, music included). i attempted to clean my oven by a "proven" green method, which didn't work out at all. i tried to read some of the Omnivore's Dilemma, but w/ so much to do, i feel guilty spending too much time reading.

the next thing i want to do is sell some of my knickknacks. for a few months i've had this driving feeling to get rid of a lot of things i don't need. i feel physically weighed down by all this stuff. i really am beginning to understand the idea of how the things you own end up owning you. i don't like it and don't want it anymore. i'm trying not to spend money on music (gasp!) and will be ripping all my CDs to a hard drive and then selling them. i'll be selling most of my furniture too... it's just cheaper to sell it and re-buy what i need out there rather than moving it. Uhaul wants $1300 just to rent a truck and dolly for my car. fascists.

a spin around the block

2008-03-23T22:29:00.006-05:00

so i've been doing nothing in other blog areas but surveys & quizzes, and i'm sure everyone is completely bored w/ that by now. i thought that since i'll be moving soon, beginning a blog here will be a good way for me to talk about what i've been up to once i'm gone, and for people to...well, read about what i've been up to. you lucky bastards.

i also miss my old column. i miss keeping an eye out for random happenings and odd individuals to report on. not that my column was any good - or read for that matter - but it was fun and gave me something to do.

watch out world, here i come! until i see something shiny and forget about all this.